Awakening – A Changing Man

A while ago I had something of an epiphany about the feeling of love I had always cherished and looked at as an important part in choosing a romantic partner.

I had always avoided or ended intimate relationships where this “spark” or feeling didn’t exist from the get go or wouldn’t rapidly approach my “heart” when getting to know a person.

My belief was that this feeling was actually love.

One reason for this belief is probably the amount of romantic clichés we’re constantly bombarded with every day of our lives through art, poetry, movies, books, fairy tales, music and so on.

Before my realization I had seen lots of people staying in relationships where this feeling of “love” wasn’t present and for many had never been there to begin with.

Sadly I have to admit that I actually looked down on those relationships. I viewed them in a negative manner based on the assumption that what I had always felt when it was “right” was love.

But it wasn’t.

David R. Hawkins Vs “Love”

I’ve read six of Dr David R. Hawkins’ books and also listened to hours of interviews with him and I found all of them very interesting in many ways.

In one of the interviews Hawkins talks about the concept of love where he makes a distinction between what he calls “ordinary love” and “real love” and below is a summary of what he said about the two and what signifies them:

Ordinary ”Love” – Solar Plexus Based – Involvement – Possessiveness, Control, Attraction

You feel madly in love.

If things go wrong suicide could be contemplated.

It’s a product of the animal, instinctual realm.

Involving sex hormones, adrenaline, excitement and all kinds of melodrama.

Usually not lasting long and infatuations come and go, lovers come and go.

Having to do with desire, wanting, craving & addiction.

Involvement(ordinary “love”) is more concerned with winning that seeing to that the other person is fulfilled.

Real love cannot turn to hate. Hate has to do with jealousy, possession and control and if love turns to hate then it wasn’t love to begin with.

If real love is lost one can feel regret and mourn but it doesn’t go into hate, murder or suicide.

If you got a pet that leaves you you feel loss and you feel sad but you don’t seek revenge.

Trying to possess a person automatically puts up a resistance in the other person because it’s like using emotional force.

Real Love – Alignment – Two parallel lines – No friction

Actual love is to align yourself with the other persons happiness and the good and the welfare of the relationship.

In true love the happiness and fulfillment of the other person begins to take priority over satisfying ones own desires. Helping the other person fulfill their potential and achieve their happiness.

Alignment(real love) is more concerned with long term goals.

You need to know only one sentence to have a successful relationship and it’s :

”It’s Ok with me dear”.

Whether you are right or not is irrelevant because what you want is for the other person to be happy.

The more you forego you own wants, desires and cravings for the sake of the relationship mysteriously the happier you get. You didn’t get to see the movie you wanted to see at the movies but somehow your life is happier because it’s joyful to make those you love happy.

You let your cat sleep where it wants to be happy. Do yo do the same thing with your spouse?

Treat your relationship at least as well as your pet and you’ll be happy.

The specialness of one person is all in your head. There is no specialness out there.

Specialness is something within yourself that you then project onto the world.

Specialness connected with survival and starts with your mother being very special and then projected onto other things and people.

Learn to make everything in your life special.

When you make something or someone special you see it’s real value which is divine.

Making something special is giving something outside of yourself power over your life. Am I willing to give away power to that and make my life dependent on it?

Alignment puts you in touch with purpose, goals and future developments and the goal becomes an attraction and an ideal that you strive for.

If someone just loves you there’s nothing you can do about that – if someone wants and desires you there’s a lot you can do to resist that – but if they just love you for who you are there isn’t anything you can do to stop that.

If you love someone just love them and stop trying to look for something out of it and if the relationship is karmically destined to begin with it will automatically come into fulfillment and if it’s not destined it won’t.

If your alignment is with happiness then you try to follow the higher path rather than the lower path.

The Epiphany

I think there’s so much value in Dr. Hawkins’ words about love and relationships and these days I consider unconditional love to be the only “real love” there is but even though I had listened to this interview many times and pondered it and agreed with what he says the message just hadn’t made it’s way to my core level of knowing. It had been more of an intellectual understanding.

A while ago I my perception of the “feeling of love” shifted when I started looking back at my life realizing that this great “pointer” didn’t point me in some “right” direction at all. It had just been ego based feelings of wanting, control, possessiveness and so on.

So then and there I decided to start completely disregarding that feeling and finding other ways of deciding what person to get romantically aligned(not involved) with.

And even though I believe you probably have to be enlightened/free of ego to truly love a partner unconditionally I am now closer to real love than ever before in my life.

I’ve never been a big fan of birthdays, Christmases and the traditional sort of going-through-the-motions kind of gift giving.

Often both the giving and the receiving parties of the transaction are uncomfortable and pressured because the giver is “supposed” to give something(anything really) at this specific day or occasion and the receiver is “obligated” to appreciate what’s given.

It always feels a bit forced to me.

That said I think giving a gift to someone because you really feel that this person would benefit from a particular item or experience or if they would just become a little happier in the moment is just great.

With that in mind I’ve developed a habit of always carrying a wrapped gift with me wherever I go because it seems people really appreciate an unexpected gift in times of trouble and the wrap just makes it a little but more festive.

The gift I’ve chosen to always carry with me is the book “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle.

I happen to think it’s the greatest book of all time and I truly feel that if the message in that book is absorbed and understood there’s no need to read another self-development/spiritual book again.

Ever.

Unless you feel like it of course.

And even if everything in it isn’t comprehended on the first read-through I truly believe it can have a life-transforming effect on people.

But the gift certainly doesn’t have to be something one considers as profound of course. It could just as well be something simple, beautiful, funny, silly, ridiculous or whatever you think could give a person a little boost of comfort when in a slump or just a reason to smile for a moment or two.

I give without expecting anything back or hoping for any particular result. Not even a ”Thank you”.

That’s not an important part of the process to me because the goal is not being able to look myself in the mirror and think:

“Wow, what a good person I am”.

Once the gift has been handed over my ”mission” is accomplished because if done right the gift was given through good intentions and/or love and I believe that kind of sharing creates ripple effects in so many directions and probably even more than we’ll ever be aware of. I trust that when I take action coming from a place of inspiration, positivity and love it will breed positivity everywhere.

So far I’ve only given these spontaneous gifts to friends and family so what would happen if I started giving things to strangers I don’t know but sadly enough I imagine people could become a little suspicious(as would I unfortunately) and I don’t see myself doing that anytime soon.

A lot of times I think it’s the very simplest ideas that are the absolute best ones. Maybe because they are a bit more pure and uncluttered than the ones the mind has been chewing on for too long.

Questions:

Are you a ”Gift Carrier”?

If not what would you imagine giving to people if you were?

And if you are already doing this what is your favorite thing to give?

In conclusion:

“I have a gift” doesn’t have to mean you can heal people or read their minds anymore.

It can simply mean you’re carrying something wrapped in paper.

Fear is usually one of the most incapacitating and limiting things in a persons life. It can be anything like fear of spiders, fear of crowds or fear of relationships and it seems the list is just endless.

I, like most people, have a variety of fears in my life but fear of flying was never one of them.

A few years back I was going on a business trip with my business associates and we got on a plane  that was taking us from Zurich to Berlin.

It was a small aircraft with one or two seats on both sides of the isle and it was raining quite heavily.

Once in the air and the complimentary tea had been served and indulged the plane suddenly started bumping and jumping a bit. Since I’d been spending a lot of time in air crafts I wasn’t concerned at all and carried on with my reading or whatever it was I was doing at the time.

Suddenly the plane was struck by lightning.

Now that woke me up in a big way and I glanced over at the flight attendant and saw her looking deeply troubled and scared and I was equally scared and shocked.

At least for a fraction of a second.

Then everything became completely quiet and calm and from a state of chock and frantic fear a smile suddenly emerged on my face and I felt a profound sense of being in the moment. Completely accepting my fate and I was a hundred percent convinced this was it.

My life was about to end.

I remember seeing most people on the plane being in a state of emotional chaos and fear  but I also remember looking into the eyes of one of my friends on the plane and he was in the same state as me. Smiling and completely calm and accepting that death was imminent.

I also recall thinking:

“Aha, so this is it. Well I’ve had an amazing life and I’m totally ready to leave planet earth behind.”

And this was quite some time before my conscious spiritual journey ever started.

After a few more moments of mid air chaos the craft stabilized and I understood my time had not come yet and I was actually going to survive this.

There is probably a highly scientific explanation for the way I reacted having to do with endorphins and/or adrenaline being released in the bloodstream when this kind of chocking occurrence is experienced but I still think there’s an extremely important lesson to be learnt form this to reduce the crippling fear in our lives:

Completely accept whatever may happen.

In 1993 I saw a movie called Fearless that I really liked and it was actually about a similar thing where the main actor survives a plane crash and becomes completely fearless. For me it only lasted a little while and then the old fears came back but for the movie character it lasted for a prolonged time.

Many of us have a desire to control everything in our lives and then when we experience situations where we seem to lose that control anxiety often arises.

The amount of control we actually have can be discussed from a variety of standpoints such as psychological, scientific and spiritual(Law of attraction) but for instance it seems evident that even the strongest proponents of The Law Of Attraction don’t always experience only what they “want” and you probably won’t either.

James Arthur Ray’s tragic “Sweatbox” accident and Joe Vitale’s trip to Russia quickly comes to mind.

There are several different techniques to deal with feelings of fear, stress and worry and one method where I use acceptance is what I call “The Kingson Acceptance Method” and it has actually been more effective than anything else I’ve tried including Reiki Healing, Chinese Energetic Medicine, EFT and Theta Healing.

You probably think you want more money, a bigger house, a new car or a soul mate and so on?

Well, I’m here to tell you:

You don’t.

You actually don’t want anything else than what you have right now. You don’t want the present moment to be different from what it is.

What wants all the stuff is not you. It’s your ego.

So why does your ego want it?

Because your ego believes that happiness comes from outside of you. From things and from achievements.

”If I only had (insert stereotypical object of desire here) I’d be happy.”

But the truth is neither you nor your ego would. Not for long anyhow.

Your ego would probably gloat in the satisfaction of acquiring what it thought it wanted for little while in some sort of short lived rush but relatively quickly it would need another ego-fix to remain satisfied.

Didn’t you ever want something and then get it? If so did your happiness and contentment last?

My answer to that last question has always been a definite no. I’ve gotten what ”I” really wanted countless times but still it didn’t take long until I was right back where I was before I got it. Wanting more of what I didn’t have.

(If you have a hard time understanding the difference between the ego and the real you I suggest you read ”A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle where these things are explained further.)

Well then are things and experiences bad?

Not at all.

And it certainly doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy any of these things when you ”have” them or when they are present in your life. The important thing is to not confuse your happiness with getting certain things or on anything specific outside yourself happening in a certain way.

What happens when you think you need something outside yourself to be happy you see the distance between yourself and your goal and the further away from the goal you are and the more difficult it seems to reach that goal the more anxiety, stress and resistance you build up inside your body.

We all know that stress has a lot of different unwanted effects on our body and our mind so my advice to anyone who experiences this discomfort would be:

1. Realize it’s not you but your ego that wants things to be different because it believes it would be happy if they were.

2. Release the stress in your mind and body through meditation, EFT or why not try the technique I use called ”The Kingson Acceptance Method”.

After watching the movie ”The Secret” I really got into this whole ”Law Of Attraction” thing and read and viewed everything I(Emanuel Kingson) could on the subject. Especially the ”Abraham-Hicks”books, audio and videos caught my attention because Esther Hicks was the teacher in ”The Secret” that I felt I connected with the most.

I also found pages with a whole bunch of interesting Loa-exercises I tried out and I started to keep a journal on all things I could find in my every day life that seemed synchronised

And there seemed to be lots and lots of things proving that this whole LOA-business was actually real.

I found a few so called Law Of Attraction-games online and I think their primary purpose is for the ”player” to get some kind of personal proof that LOA is actually real so that you can begin using it with full belief and less resistance to the process.

The 17 Second Game

One of the ”games” I tried was called the ”17 Second Game” and basically you choose  three things to fucus on in your mind(17 seconds  for each item) and then you let it go and wait for the things to show up in your life.
And not sitting and waiting. More like living your everyday life a little more observant to see if what you focus on shows up.

In this game you’re not supposed to choose things you really want to attract into your life because if you want something desperately you probably have a lot of resistance in you, conscious or unconscious, to actually get what you ”want”.

So the first time I chose:

1. A red ball
2. A white cat
3. Tintin (cartoon character)

Got the excercise done and continued on with my day.

A few hours later I saw a RED BALL on tv and ticked it of my mental list of things to look for. And a few hours after that I went to the grocery store and on my way I saw a white cat. Or at least white-ish. Since it was my first time trying the 17-second Game I accepted the sort-of-white cat as my WHITE CAT I had focused on.

I actually got a little excited when both of those things showed up just hours after I’d tried this new method and at the time my ego was so afraid of being wrong or deceived but I really wanted for LOA to be real so if I could just find evidence of its existence then I could actually start taking it seriously.

Now there was only TINTIN left on my list of focus but he was nowhere to be found.

The day passed and got into the next day and I was a little discouraged because red balls and white cats aren’t that unusual but I couldn’t remember seeing TINTIN since I’d been a kid so that would be very important proof for me that LOA was real.

Disappointed as I was I thought ”Oh, well. It was my first time testing this. I might give it another go some other time.” and started reading about more of those games I’d found online.

The Why Game

Another game that caught my eye was something called the Why Game.

This game tells you to speak or write intensively for 10 minutes about why you want something that you want because the non-physical entity Abraham that Esther Hicks claims to channel thru her body says that what you imagine, and therefor feel and ”vibrate” out to the universe, will be attracted back to you as a magnet.

So I started to write down a perfect life scenario for me imagining beaches and a house in the sun somewhere and so on and actually it had great effect on me. I remember going from being calm to very excited in those ten minutes. Looking back on that event now I think that was actually my first experience with entering an ”Illuminated State”.

(I will write more about ”Illuminated States” in another post.)

It felt like I was so much in love with everything without any resistance at all.

Experiencing this amazing feeling I ran off to go to a friend’s house for dinner and I usually never use the subway but it seemed like the fastest way to get where I wanted to go so I made an exception. I was smiling like crazy because of my inner state and entering the train I was looking down at my phone writing a text message.

I sat down and then it happened.

As I looked up in complete amazement I could see a big poster right in front of my face.

It was him.

It was TINTIN!!!

(Apparently there was some cartoon exhibition somewhere in the city and this was a poster for that event.)

My state was elevated into even more excitement and it lasted the whole night through.

I felt I really had the proof that I wanted. That The Law Of Attraction was certainly real.

Today

For quite some time I left the whole Law Of Attraction theory behind as I ventured into deeper spiritual practices and teachings and the whole idea of acquiring things just seemed counter productive, ego driven and meaningless.

For some reason the concept seems to be making it’s way back into my life and a few days before this was written I was walking through a gigantic beautiful park, talking about food and ”Wayne’s Coffee” was mentioned with excitement(because of the great lunch they serve).

30 minutes deeper into the park we stopped and I snapped photo of some scenery with my iPhone.

And lo and behold, in this extremely clean environment we see the first piece of litter we’d seen on this walk by the side of the road being a paper cup with big letters on it saying:

”Wayne’s Coffee”

So, hearing about the movie The Secret a few years back I was of course sceptical being the distrustful person I was.

I’d never heard about LOA(The Law Of Attraction) before but it sounded a bit mumbo-jumbo like to me.

One day, a week or so after hearing about the film, I had an impulse to watch The Secret so I did. I thought it looked very cheesy to say the least but after watching the whole thing through somehow I felt a bit energized and I thought to myself – ”Well, it would be very cool if this was all true but in all likelihood it’s not.”

I didn’t really pay it much more thought for a few weeks but suddenly I had an impulse to watch the movie again so I watched it a second time and bam. Something really clicked this time.

I could now see the connection between LOA and everything that had happened in my life. I had thought about stuff intensely, pictured myself in situations I wanted to be in, and ended up having what I wanted and being where I wanted. There just seemed to be at least some truth to The Law Of Attraction and The Secret.

At this point in my personal and spiritual evolution I had never heard or read anything about the ego. At least not in the sense that Eckhart Tolle and other people in the same genre talk about it so ”getting” what ”I wanted” without effort seemed like the best idea I’d heard.

Of all the people speaking in The Secret I liked Esther Hicks the most. A woman claiming to channel a collective consciousness named Abraham. So I started reading and watching everything I could find about LOA, The Secret and Abraham. I also started putting LOA to the test everyday by focusing on something and picturing things and situations in my head and then waiting for those things and situations to show up in ”real life”.

My results where actually quite astonishing with more than a few very interesting experiences so I thought I had proof for myself that LOA was actually for real. And my ego really needed proof to believe in anything wholeheartedly.

Since watching The Secret I’ve read a lot in the spiritual genre and experienced quite a bit of change in myself so I look at it as a kind of milestone in my life whether the law of attraction is real or not.

Speaking of milestones I don’t really belive there are any single independent situations occurring. Meaning that everything is connected and you can trace everything back to the beginning of time. For example:

No earth – No humans.

No humans – No movies

No movies – No The Secret

Even though this example is extremely simplified, almost ridiculous cutting out so many circumstances for me to ever hear of The Secret, it illustrates how I view everything that happens.

People always seem to pick out an arbitrary point in time and say that ”something”(some usually quite recent occurrence or action taken by someone) caused ”something else” to happen when in fact anything anywhere in time leading up to that point could be chosen as a cause for whatever is happening now.

At this point I think there’s definitely something to the LOA-concept. Not exactly sure what though and I see at least two possibilities.

One is that the LOA -theory is correct and the path simplified is: Visualize something and it will come into your life.

That would mean that you are actually in some ”control” of what will happens in your life.

Or it could be that whatever is coming into your life is already predetermined and you’ve somehow opened yourself up enough to receive small hints in advance thru thought and thereby you could actually think that you first had the thought and then something happened but in reality you got the thought because it was about to happen.

I’m not sure what I believe in this matter and I think it might not be that important either.

Something I think is important to become a happier person is how you deal with the now whoever created it and I’ve come to some pretty interesting insights on how to do just that and I will write about that in detail later on.

I think that what this movie did to me and probably for many others is quite genius whatever the reasons this movie was made. It tells the ego in you that it can have all material things it ever wanted without effort and at the same time leads you to a path of spirituality and further down the road a weakened ego.

At least that’s what happened to me.

Hello everybody!

My name is Emanuel Kingson and I’ve started this blog because I wanted to collect the experiences of my personal och spiritual journey in writing and share what I’ve learned on the way with people who might be interested.

I also want to recommend books, writing, videos, people and everything else that I believe has taken my knowing and growth as a person to the next level.

A little background:

I grew up in a middle class family and had both good and bad experiences like probably everybody else on their way thru life.

My grandfather was a musician and my biggest idol and that had likely somehting to do with the profession I chose.I spent my teenage years playing and writing music very passionately and I was extremely driven and eventually I had a lot of success as a musician.

But even though I got everything I ever dreamed of(on a surface level) I was getting more and more depressed and abused alcohol and got on antidepressants. My view of life at the time was based on the assumption that whenever I feel too bad about things and alcohol no longer takes care of the emotional pain I will just end it all by killing myself.

No big deal I thought.

Then one night when things got out of hand and the emotional pain was really bad and I had a fullblown anxiety attack, laying in my friends bed, I thought to myself:

”Ok…this is it…I have to get out…I have to commit suicide….”

And until that split second I had always thought staying alive or not didn’t really matter to me but suddenly it became clear how wrong I’d been all my ”adult” life.

Surprise.

I really wanted to live.

I was in chock from this new discovery about myself and I thought(or maybe even prayed, even though I was an atheist at the time):

”If I survive this horrible situation that I’m in I’ll never have a drink again…EVER!!!”

In that moment my life took a big turn and I don’t think I can ever describe how huge that decision, or prayer if you will, really was for me.

When I look back at it now I can see that considering my ginormous ego back then it was pretty amazing how I could actually reach out to something outside myself and ask for help.

I immediately quit drinking, moved to a new apartment a few weeks later, picked up hobbies I hadn’t bothered with in years and put my restless mind obsessively into all kinds of intellectual stuff like politics and science and studied those fields, in a quite manic fashion, all day long for about eighteen months.

I was also a devoted atheist and I didn’t believe in anything outside my quite narrow view of the world and the universe.

The goal I had was to ”know” everything there was to know about the topics I found relevant but after approximately those eighteen months of studying obsessively I found myself a bit depressed and bored with it. All that knowledge didn’t make me happy so I felt a bit lost for a while.

Along the way I had made a good friend and one day we were out walking and she tells me about this movie her brother had seen that he was fascinated with.

It was called The Secret